Fatherhood …. Balanced?

“Be a hero at home first..”

It is well past my bedtime. We just got our 3 year into bed. We’ve promised her we are “not coming back in.” We’ll see how that goes. Our 2 year old was diagnosed with strep throat today. We are praying she sleeps through the night – for all of our sakes.

I need to be on the road by 6am in the morning to go meet with a potential client that is 3 hours away. And, I just started this blog…. sound balanced?

I’m not complaining, let’s say I’m just giving you the “lay of the land” in my life these days. I am blessed way beyond anything I could ever deserve or earn. Beautiful wife, work I love, two awesome kids and one on the way! There just seems to be so much to get done.

I jumped out of my corporate job and into entrepreneurship to follow my dreams and create a better lifestyle for me and my family. But some days, it feels like I jumped out the frying pan and into the fire!

Turns out I’m not the only dad feeling the stretch. According to Boston College’s Center for Work & Family, almost 8 out of 10 dads want to spend more time with their children on an average work day. One in two dads say they spend too little time with their kids (only 23% of mom’s feel that way).

A recent Money magazine article points out how the role of the man in the family unit is changing. In 1975, 45% of families consisted of a male breadwinner and a stay-at-home mom, today only 31% do. Men are also taking on more household duties and spending way more time with their children than their dads ever spent with them. The same article states that today’s dads spend more time with their kids by a factor of 3!

But many of us are clearly wishing we had more time at home and probably more time at work too! Why is this? We’ve fallen for the lie that we can do it all and be perfect at work, at home and in our communities. We see the overachieving Dad who seems to make it to every one of his kids’ practices while appearing to win the corporate rate race. We want to win at everything!

What can we do? Turns out “balance” doesn’t feel like we expect it to feel. When I think balance I think of an abundance of extra time where I can save the world via my volunteerism, be the amazing husband my wife deserves, spend monstrous amounts of time with my kids while building the next great company and sleeping a solid 8 hours each night (I’ll have to stay in shape too..).

While there are a lot of great tricks to get more done in less time, redefining balance has got to be the first thing we get right. Get rid of your notion that balance is full of relaxation and time to kill. Think of balance as the type of balance a high wire artist has. While they may look peaceful from a distance, their bodies are constantly in a state of tension making ever so slight adjustments to keep them on that very skinny wire. They are always just a breath away of falling to the right or to the left. Overcorrect in one direction and next thing you know you’ve fallen off the other side. That kinda sounds like my life.

You know what? It’s OK. Work will overwhelm you at times, so will your kids. You’re going to be falling off one side or the other constantly. Get used to it. Create an open dialogue with your family about your attempts at balance. Let them help you get perspective and keep you on track.

You’ll be surprised that some of the things that were killing you inside (like sneaking in some work on Saturdays) were no big deal to your spouse. She may just need you home for dinner a few more days each week. That’s pretty easy right? You just have to get to work a little earlier or skip that lunch.

As in most things in life, communication is key. Be open about your desires for balance with your boss or yourself if you are self-employed (sometimes we are our worst bosses..). You may not be able to climb the corporate ladder as quickly as you hoped or build that first business quite as fast, but if you are succeeding at the things that really matter in life – your business/job/community can wait.

Remember, it’s not no forever, just no for now.

What about you? What tricks do you use to stay in balance?

Thank you for being a part of our values driven community!

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