The Coaching Habit – Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

 “This is why, in a nutshell, advice is overrated. I can tell you something, and it’s got a limited chance of making its way into your brain’s hippocampus, the region that encodes memory. If I can ask you a question and you generate the answer yourself, the odds increase substantially.” – Michael Bungay Stanier

I’ve been wanting to dive into Stanier’s book for some time now. I keep seeing it on Amazon, it has great reviews and I know that coaching is the best way to lead and get results. So, here we go. Let’s learn what we can from Stanier’s book, “The Coaching Habit.”

Stanier was a Rhodes Scholar, has degrees in English, law, and economics. After my first glance at the book, I wasn’t a big fan. Then I started digging a little deeper into Stanier and what drives him. I’m becoming a big fan. 

His company – “Box of Crayons” – seeks to “unleash change-maker curiosity to build innovative and resilient company cultures.” Seems worthy. 

Here is a quote from Stanier’s Principles on his mbs.works website that really makes me like the guy.

“Winning does not tempt him. His growth is to be deeply defeated by ever greater things.”

Powerful stuff. Enough about Stanier. Let’s learn from his book so we can start doing even greater things for our people and organizations. 

Stanier found that most successful leaders suffer from 3 vicious cycles at work. His training is designed to overcome these cycles. They are:

• Creating Overdependence – The more you help people, the more they rely on you and the busier you are until you become the bottleneck that is slowing down progress. 
• Being Overwhelmed – The better you are, the more work gets thrown at you until you are overwhelmed.
• Feeling Disconnected – The more time you spend on mundane day-to-day work, the more disengaged and demotivated you’ll become, and work no longer feels meaningful. 

The coaching habit helps you break these cycles by:

• Helping your team become more self-sufficient. You won’t need to intervene all the time and will no longer be the bottleneck. 
• You get to focus on work that truly matters and make a greater impact on the organization. 
• Coaching pushes your team to learn and grow by stepping out of their comfort zones. 

Stanier often refers to the trouble created by “the advice monster.” We all have one. Developing the coaching habit helps keep this monster in check. We do this by asking questions, listening, and staying curious. 

It appears I am going to run out of space in this article, so I’ll lay out Stanier’s seven-question model and I’ll dive deeper into each next week. 

1. The Kickstarter Question – “What’s on your mind?” This question invites the coachee to drive the discussion to where they need it to go – to what is most important to them at this time. 
2. The AWE Question – “And what else?” The AWE question keeps you curious and keeps the advice monster at bay. It leads to more and better options. 
3. The Focus Question – “What is the real challenge here for you?” This question hands the problem back to the coachee and forces them to struggle to determine what they really need to figure out. 
4. The Foundation Question – “What do you want?” Even when we think we know what we want, we have a difficult time articulating it. The foundation question forces clarity. 
5. The Lazy Question – “How can I help?” This question is “lazy” because it gets the other person to propose a solution without you needing to develop one. 
6. The Strategic Question – “If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?” This question gets the coachee to decide if they are committed to the proposed solution.
7. The Learning Question – “What was most useful for you?” We learn when we reflect on what just happened. This question promotes learning for the coach and the coachee so both can build on top of the new learning. Then, both can improve and get better for the long term. 

I’m excited to dive deeper into each question next week. I hope you are as well.

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